#sorry im so attracted to back
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Behind The B: Season 11 Ep 12
#mine*#linus ullmark#boston bruins#nhl#nhledit#linusullmarkedit#bruins#sorry im so attracted to back
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v1 and v2 are so very interesting to me actually as a dynamic, especially now seeing as v2 is pretty easy to fight compared to literally everything else we’ve seen after it. v1 is so fucking powerful. it literally destroyed an entire city (the earthmovers), its killed the leviathan, the minotaur, and is on its way to purge the entirety of hell.
seeing v2 being so cocky, fighting on in pursuit of what — pride? in trying to take on v1, not knowing how much of a powerhouse its predecessor is — its just so incredibly interesting. theyre so confident that they’d be on the same level, even taunting them, confidently expecting their fights to be easy. they expect the rivalry to be bigger than it is, because they think so highly of themselves, but to v1, theyre just another enemy.
and at the end, v2’s pathetic ass gets beaten and they run away scared shitless. wow. just fucking incredible.
anyways, v1 and v2s dynamic just highlights to me how fucking terrifying and powerful v1 actually is. i really love that. just an unstoppable force killing everything in its sight, no morals, no higher ambitions, not even pride, just a pure thirst for blood.
#v1 ultrakill#v2 ultrakill#ultrakill#i made this post with the image of them fucking sloppy style in mind#v2 would be such a brat#holy fuck im falling back into the robotfucker hole help#v1’s ruthlessness is so attractive to me#and so is v2’s cockiness#both of them are really fucking hot#its 2am#sorry for the v model sibling truthers#i personally like to think that they fuck nasty
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Knock Knock Boys: A Queer Asian Lens
I didn't watch Knock Knock Boys as it was airing, because it didn't really seem like the kind of show I'd be into. However, this post by @lurkingshan and @waitmyturtles' enthusiastic recommendation convinced me to give it a shot. Having binged the entirety of the series in a day, I can say that the show was an absolute delight to watch.
I've seen plenty of people talking about how wonderfully sex positive the show was, so I'm not going to bother with going too much into it, but I will say that the drama clearly showed the kind of sex education and awareness that is desperately needed around the world. I also really liked how Lukpeach and Latte were the ones responsible for pretty much all of the sex education in the show. It was very realistic in that, in my experience, it's extremely common for teenagers and young adults to get a majority of their knowledge about sex from their friends and the internet. The show had a very clear message about the importance of talking freely about sex with younger generations, because the taboo on the topic only harms teenagers in the long run.
Now, besides that, there was one more issue that I thought the show did wonderfully: it showed how asian kids are often hesitant to discuss things with their parents because they assume the worst in the beginning. I'm having some trouble articulating this, because it's such an abstract, ingrained concept to me, so forgive me if this is incoherent. I'm also generalizing my experience as an Indian, so please do correct me if I'm wrong here. That being said, having been raised in a society that values respect and listening to elders without question, discussing alternate ideas with parents can be a very difficult thing for most of us. It's easy to assume what parents would say to an idea and decide that trying to convince them otherwise is a task that is either futile or requires too much energy.
The best way I can describe is that the mindset becomes "It's better to ask for forgiveness if you get caught instead of asking for permission straight away". For example, had Almond asked his mother if he could stay with three other guys, she would've most definitely flat out refused, since she would've had a lot of preconceived notions about the idea. But, because Almond is able to show her that he's happy as he was, she was perfectly fine with him continuing to stay with the others. I think that's the hallmark of most asian parents, they want us to be happy but they're convinced that they know what kind of life will make us happy. They did something similar with Peak and his father, but my feelings on that are a little more complex, so we'll come back to this.
Peak and Thanwa, man. I loved Latte and Almond but these two just stole the show for me. I know some people felt frustrated with Peak's dallying and hesitance, but I just felt so sad for him, and something about his situation just hit very close to home. And Seng, the actor that he is. One particular moment that stuck with me was the scene when he leaned against the door while Jumper attacked Max. I must've rewatched that moment half a dozen times, because his acting was impeccable. I will say, I wish that they'd given us a better resolution on the arc after Max, but those are mostly minor quibbles. What I really wanted to talk about was the arc with Peak's father. Peak gathering the courage to tell his father with the support from his found family was beautiful. The scene at Knock Knock House the day before Peak left was one of the most magnificent, emotionally charged scenes I've seen in asian ql in a while. Coming from a societ wherein arranged marriage is the norm, the storyline hit hard in all the right places.
But. I did not love the resolution of the arc. I think we've had some conversation about how some shows try to be both in the bubble and out of the bubble simultaneously, and the last two episodes of the show felt a little like that. From what we knew about the father, it felt almost too easy for him to simply accept everything right away. There should have been some struggle for reconciliation. I know that the show has a theme of assumptions and lack of communication disrupting parent-child relationships, but in this case how fast they move on just seems unrealistic. My cynicism aside, even if we assume that the father wasn't homophobic, there should've been more of a conversation on the breaking of the engagement! The social implications, the father asking him why he didn't say anything for so long, Jane's involvement (how did the father know that she knew about this?). The only argument I can see against this is that the father, while initially put off by the revelation, chose to act otherwise to support his son. But then, he most likely wouldn't have insisted they take his car. And there still should've been some sort of a conversation about the engagement. Arranged marriages have a purpose; it's to provide financial and social security. I find it extremely hard to believe that a father who arranged a marriage for his son wouldn't have so much as discuss the implications of being gay with him. They tried to have the engagement have consequences with the wedding banquet, but the resolution for that really only made it worse. This is cynical of me, but I simply cannot suspend my disbelief enough to believe that the entire wedding party was perfectly happy with the turn of events. This whole resolution just seemed out of place in a show that was otherwise so wonderfully grounded in reality while still being absolutely hilarious. I think, if the show had done something a little more similar to GAP, it would've felt more realistic.
All of that aside, I really did enjoy watching the show. It was hilarious and heartwarming, and the characters were absolutely wonderful. The resolution of the final arc did drag it down a little, but I would be lying if I said that watching two queer couples get to celebrate their relationships with their community didn't warm my heart at all (Also, side note- Jane having a girlfriend was a brilliant subversion). All in all, it's a great series. It definitely felt like something new and fresh compared to the kind of qls that I've been watching lately.
#look i know im being a little cynical about the ending#but when i came out to my mother (who is by all accounts and purposes one of the more progressive older people i know)#and asked her if she thought it was a phase#she said yes and confirmed that i was still attracted to men#because living as a queer person is extremely hard in india#and that's not to mention the numerous lectures ive had to sit through on the importance of marriage#so...yeah#i did really love the show though#feel free to argue/add on i'd love to have more conversation on this#especially because i had a lot of trouble articulating myself for this#so some of what i wanted to write didn't come through#but im tired now#knock knock boys#whoops sorry accidentally deleted a chunk of this trying to fix a spelling mistake#its back now
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would smash leshy
#spacie spoinks#was only a matter of time not sorry#i thought leshy was a girl at first and b/c of that was very attractive 2 me#i found out leshy was a boy and was like ''aww :('' and the emotions fizzled out but now they're back again#leshy.....hmmm#i want 2 have a one night stand w/him and have it be the best night of my life. never 2 be replicated again.#we go our separate ways and never talk again#where was that one anon that was like: oh so you're favorite characters are yellow or green or something#leshyyyyy#i wanna squish him#i would do crazy things 2 leshy dude#man. why would bamsara do this 2 me#constant intriguing ship posting and now i wanna bang a leaf monster . okay.#so stupid#my life is already ruined w/springtrap I DONT NEED ANOTEHR GREEN MAN IN MY SKULL!!!!!!!!!#houuugh springtrap.....man....im thinking about him again...........#euaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahghgggg#fuuuuck man#two of them. in the microwave that is my mind#going round and round#they're both awful#anf very. sexy.#UGH!! WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
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current ripping up the floorboards with my teeth
#emmerdale farm (1972)#frazer hines#i’m sorry i think he’s hot#sue me#the black eye makes him look hotter there i said it#it’s the degen in me#anyways#don’t ask my why i find him so attractive#idk why#but what i do know is im going to invent a time machine for the soul purpose of going back to 1972 with one goal in mind
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pros to being with me: spendthrift rich boy with no concept of money ever that loves to pay for other people
cons to being with me: insane on every level
#lolaa.txt#GWAHHH i just need to get normal. and blonder#it would probably make me worse if i went full blonde again and did my makeup like how my mother wants me to but. if thats what it takes#ok sorry not to rant in the tags but . im actually fairly attractive i think. except for my MASSIVE FUCKING STUPID NOSE.#other people with big noses i love you but i personally look like a triangle from the side. and my hairline is so so os far back.#i am so so so close to fitting in. i just need to get normaller i just need to get normaller i just need to get normaller
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*grits teeth*
i do not want to discourse here or anywhere anymore but it does kind of affect me as a transmasc bi person when i see shit that indirectly misgenders me and implies that bisexuality is an icky no good word and identity and you have to be bi and gay and bi and lesbian and bi and straight at the same time or support them or you're an evil stinky stinky terf like... hello where am, i
#it makes me feel othered by an otherwise inclusive community bc how dare i think that men aren't involved in lesbianism#or how dare i think that bisexuality is a whole and valid sexuality#or how dare i think that any and all nonbinary genders are included in every single sexuality by default#or that trans women are women so no fuckin g duh theyre included in lesbianism and if your knee jerk reaction to seeing:#men cannot be lesbians is to think of trans women then you are the transphobe here#or how i dare think that trans man and transmasc aren't the exact same thing#that genderqueerdyke person is also a transadrophobia geek and theyre buddies with genderkoolaid#which like. do i HAVE to say it?#IF U IGNORE THE TRANSMISOGYNY (WHICH U SHOUDLNT) THEYRE ALSO A ZIONIST HELLOW?? WHATS NOT CLICKING WHATS NOT CLICKING#OK IM KINDA MAD ABT THAT LIKE... SORRY BUT HOW ABOUT WE DONT PLATFORM IDIOTS NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEIR RHETORIC MIGHT SOUND#BC U WANT TO BE TOTALLY INCLUSIVE AND NOT GATEKEEPY#ive BEEN around the fucking block ive BEEN on tumblr when the resident terfs here coined bi lesbian#if you scrolled back far enough in certain keywords you wouldve seen that shit in the early 2010s being discussed in their circles#to mean lesbians who are attracted to trans women#you cannot reclaim that or recoin it#yes ive done the research too#i looked at every single piece of evidence of that label existing in the past 50~ years#its just bisexual women back when lesbian spaces also included them#plus like may i also fucking ssay that bisexual also used to mean being of two sexes (transsexual/gender and/or intersex?)#this close to fully believing that the pushback against bisexual being it's own whole and valid sexuality is some kind of psy op#i sound schizophrenic well Maybe I Am#i feel like im going to end up deleting this post bc i dont want to argue with people who disagree with me because there is no getting#through to any of you#tbd.
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does anyone. does anyone listen to half alive
#ok i cant say im an og because i didnt listen to them until a bit after still feel came out#BUT im pretty much an og#i like to sort their music into two catergories#now not yet and post-now not yet#because i first listened to them after now not yet was released and then i didnt listen to them for a long time#and when i got back into them i think conditions of a punk was already out#tbch coap is my fav album but now not yet still holds a special place in my heart 💕#also NIGHT SWIMS???? omfg im not okay#and have you fucking seen the music videos.#WHATS WRONG MUSIC VIDEO. LISTEN TO ME#AND DID I MAKE YOU UP MUSIC VIDEO????#its so clever and well made oughh#id kill someone to see them in concert 😭😭#and have you seen josh taylor. man is so attractive sorry#HE HAD PINK HAIR AT ONE POINT!!!!! AUGH.#i miss his long hair…….#anyways#maple says some words#half alive#josh taylor
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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okay what i have to say is lowkey embarrassing but i wanna bitch and it’s probably only embarrassing to me bc im shy about this stuff anyways the moral of the story is i wanna bitch and u should probably just ignore me. god bless
#honestly halfway through the wedding i did see this guy i thought was rlly cute#like. REALLY cute (so fucking embarrassing)#but i’m too shy to talk to hot people and i’ve never approached anyone before and no one’s ever approached me so i don’t know what to do#idk how to talk to people to begin with let alone like. try to flirt or something#but as the night went on (this is so embarrassing) for some reason i literally couldn’t stop looking at him (kill me)#and he probably definitely noticed me looking at him so he probably thinks im some like. crazy creep or something#but like usually when i see someone attractive im just like oh wow and admire them from afar#but i COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT HIM! WHY! and for some reason i felt like i just really wanted to talk to him#but i didn’t know what to do! i just felt this urge to go try and start a conversation but i just. i couldn’t#and every time i thought i would work up the courage either my sister or my grandmother would come back and hover over me#and i didn’t wanna be like ‘sorry gotta go i need to go embarrass myself in front of this cute guy’#OR he would get up and start taking pictures again. it’s like he knew#he wasn’t even the official photographer he was just one of the guests who clearly wanted to take photos of his friends wedding. which like#is so endearing to me. he has HOBBIES. WOW. (kill me)#idk j can’t even put everything into words i just feel like screaming into a pillow AAAAAAUGHHH#i felt like i was in hs again there was a point i even excused myself to step outside just because he was out there#but he was talking to some old lady. so i was just sitting outside in the grass moping#i feel so stupid i dunno. why am i so worked up about this. i had a few opportunities to approach him and i didnt. because im an idiot#i feel like i’m down so bad which is so STUPID because i don’t even know his name and ill never see him again in my life#so it doesn’t even matter! and every time im like oh oh well it was just random infatuation clearly it wasn’t meant to be#but then i just get upset and all blushy cause he was SO CUTE! and i wanna know more about him! why!#i haven’t felt like this in FOREVER i just feel so stupid for even feeling this way#i know ill be fine in a few days or something but im just like. i wish i could have at least spoken to him once#sigh. idk what’s wrong with me#maybe he’s already dating someone anyways all the cute people seem to already be in relationships#except ME im the only one left. who am I supposed to date!!#i want to jump out the window#snow.txt
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another sleepless night of wishing i was hot instead of very mid looking. smh!
#97#ik i bragged abt being pretty on my selfies but that was in my skinny phase where i was briefly#close to conventionally attractive for a sec there#now im back to being fat so i hate myself. sorry for the internalized fatphobia and such
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i'm sad about a man again so the obvious solution is to remove them from my preferences entirely on the apps. bisexual in theory but no longer in practice. retired from bisexuality. taking a break from my studies (in bisexuality) to vacation abroad (with a broad)
#i do like them but i also dont.#like i'm capable of enjoying their company and CERTAINLY of finding them attractive#but i also have literally 0% trust or faith in any of them#because they've never been anything but shitty to me!! ever!!#even the one i thought was really sweet up until this week has turned a corner and hurt my feelings for fun#basically he didn't text me back for like two days then basically said like#''hey sorry i've been sick and it hurts to look at screens but i'll keep you updated as i feel better''#so i said ok sorry to hear it hope u feel better (despite not believing him even a little.)#and it's been four days since then and he hasn't even opened my text. and like. i'm not that stupid okay i know when im being lied to#and it just really hurts my feelings. i wish he'd just been fucking mature about it and just TOLD me he doesnt wanna talk anymore#or literally even ghosting me with no info would have been better than giving me some stupid lie and then disappearing anyway#and like. it feels worse when i let a man hurt me. because i should know better by now.#when girls hurt my feelings or ghost me or whatever it's like ok that's fine that's dating yknow??#when i feel myself getting sad over a MAN it's like humiliating#vent post
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Smiles at you, devilishly. This but with the guy who starts with a A and wakes up or whatever.
youuu..... wheng i GET you
this makes me realize i really am a sucker for characters that have lots and lots of problems. my favs always end up being freaks that i would write entire dissertations on for a psychology class and this man is no different. they could make entire psychology courses devoted to the mind of this 1 guy and the many horrible decisions he has made. i am captivated by him and he deserves so much better but he also deserves the torture labyrinth just a little bit. u know how it is. hes just some guy but also hes a metaphor for mental illness but also hes a metaphor for artists block but also hes a metaphor for addiction but also hes a metaphor for how capitalism corrupts art but also none of that matters cause hes kind of a loser. every time i think about this guy i feel compelled to write an essay. freak behavior. he is an extremely well written and fascinating character but never in a million years would i ever want to meet this guy in real life. i got my own problems to deal with hope he gets to talk to a therapist in the third game or whatever but thats not MY problem.
hope this helps :thumbs_up: (im normal)
#asks#thank u for offering me a chance to be insane for just a second . it is very much appreciated#i love literally all the characters in the games but he is the main attraction at the zoo and i understand why.#observing him safely from behind the glass with my hands behind my back pondering solemnly#him in the first game i would strangle in real life. sorry but deserved for the stupid tough guy persona he puts on#then u find out oh actually this man has severe psychological problems. and then that hits the fan in the dlcs#and THEN it gets SOOOO MUCH WORSE in the second game and im like OHHH my god dude u kind of sucked but u didnt deserve this#and now i feel bad for the guy cause this was always there just hidden underneath the surface.#going back to the first game with the knowledge of the 2nd game just makes him so much more pitiful . another essay on this man please
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Tired of people saying “oh look at my old man😍” and the picture they attach is some buff anime dude with grey hair grow up
#I’m so fucking ill#HE AIN’T EVEN THAT OLD HE AIN’T EVEN INTERESTING IN PHYSIQUE#go back to fawning over captain fucking america you’re not welcome in this space#he has laugh lines and fat on his belly and flabby arms or its NO DEAL#AND IM SO FUCKING TIRED#the real halmark of old man fucking is the unconventional attractiveness of natural features becoming more pronounced with time#and my brother in christ you’re not even appreciating graceful aging. get a GRIP#seriously just make peace that you’re attracted to convention or embrace the skrungly. or like idk die if you can’t do either of those thin#i’m so tired#sorry I’m being such a hater lately but yk what with all my stress I’ve earned it#and even if he does have the requisite qualities one word about him being fucking daddy and I’m calling the goddamn cops#so so so sick of it
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i need to stop talking abt body image issues with people who don’t have a double chin
#it always just fills me with anger and jealousy and then with guilt and even more self hatred#about to say some truly selfish hateful shit i am aware is wrong and cruel which is why i’m saying it here —>#like oh my godddd im soooo sorry your family told you you needed to be a bit skinnier#you are extremely conventionally attractive and skinny with pretty hair and good clothes#people like you at a glance. people give you the fucking time of day#you have dated multiple people. multiple people have wanted to DATE you#i’m always the fucking outsider in these conversations because they’re always so… personal?#in that like. “oh i know im okay looking but my brain won’t let me think it”#like damn that sucks. i’m actually ugly and nobody will let me fucking forget it#but do tell me more about your pretty partner you love who fell in love with you instantly#i’ll be over here walking behind you realizing i’m twice your width#and wondering if there’s a way to put out a lifetime’s worth of artwork and creation so that i can get this stupid hopeless life over with#i will die unloved. i don’t even fucking care anymore#i just want to make some decent art people might like and be done with it all#chatter#sorry i need to get this off my chest Now so i can push my mood back up and not be snapping at people. im so good im so fine#i hate myself but thats a me issue. time to go have fun
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The guys who like me are always the sweetest most genuine guys and I always feel so bad turning them down sometimes I wish I was straight
#like dude you’re the best ever I am actually so so sorry for not liking you back bc you deserve the best fr#n im craving something so bad like I just want smth to happen and I obv can’t pull girls#everything in my but my actual sense of attraction wants this
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